For years I've wondered what is a friend? Am I a good friend to others? Many times I have not been and in the story below you will see that.
I've always been the type of person who thrives off groups of people. If I were going to get people together I invited everyone b/c I never wanted to make people feel left out. I hate the feeling of being ignored and left out and I've found myself left out a lot lately. Should I take this personally? I realized I was afraid of being one-on-one with friends b/c I was scared that once they really got to know me, they wouldn't like what they saw and this is b/c I've had a hard time forgiving my past. I've done so much wrong it's hard to see the right but in these last few weeks God is reminding me who I am in Him. Our pastor spoke on forgiveness a few weeks ago and said why do we continue to ask God for forgiveness? Once you ask for it , he forgives and "keeps no record of wrongs". This has been a hard lesson for me.
A few years ago a new girl was put into my life but immediately I put my walls up. I was going through a lot of change and growth with moving into a new home and a new baby, I wasn't ready for any more change. This person was nothing but good, and I know now that God put her in my life but I wasn't willing to let her in. I did everything to keep her out and I'm not proud of that, quite disappointed in myself really. Last year this situation weighed heavily on my heart but I did nothing about it...until one evening in came this young lady where I was having dinner with friends. As soon as I saw her I literally climbed over chairs and people to get to her. We walked outside and with tears in my eyes I apologized over and over. As I walked back to my table with friends asking, "what in the world is that about" I smiled and knew that God arranged all of it. This friend and I have become closer over the last few months and I am so proud to be HER friend.
She and I went out last night, just the two of us, and I had one of the best nights of my life, so much I'm writing about it on wordless Wednesday :) It was comfortable, talking about everything from how scripture has impacted our lives to what kinds of cheese we like. Proverbs 18:19 says "It's harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars." When we've offended a true friend- whether by breaking a trust or by speaking the truth with love, we risk losing that friend. This friend showed me what a true friend is, someone who welcomes you with open arms and who forgives. Forgiving is hard, but there is no greater example than to forgive. Thank you Crystal for your true Christian friendship. I realized that last February is when I saw you in the restaurant, and this February was our first night out with just the two of us...maybe February will be our "Friendship Anniversary" and we can make this a tradition.
So the question remains: what type of friend do you want to be?
Oh, I like this Michelle. Isn't it wonderful to see the Lord working in our lives?
ReplyDeleteLoved your post! About a year ago I was really looking for some Christian mommies to get together with. I contacted a friend that we both grew up with in church to see if I could get together with the mommy group she had created. She never responded to me even after several attempts. I learned from that, that I hope I always reach out to people whether they are close friends or old buddies. I loved your story....thanks for being real!!!
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